Tuesday, October 31, 2006

"I totally checked the wrong box!"


How's this for a headline:

Murder Suspect Released By Mistake



Sorry about your sense of safety and justice, there, victim's family. Lucky the suspect didn't come to your home and, you know, kill you or anything.

All I'm saying is that it does not instill confidence in the system when the judge says, "Now that I see how it happened, I'm surprised it hasn't before."

FLAWLESS VICTORY ("Awwwh! Tssssss! Gaaaaaaaaaah! Tsssssss!")

Pitting your favorite Family Guy characters against your favorite (or, rather: "favorite?") American Dad characters! I dare you to.....

CLICK IT:

Sure, it's to help you buy the two sets of DVDs -- but it's brilliant marketing, particularly since I'd rather play Family Guy vs. American Dad Kung-Fu than Mortal Kombat: Armageddagabon. (Wait -- is Liu Kang a zombie now? I say we kontact the koroner -- I'm kalling for a full-scale investigation, including a tox-screen for that pufferfish poison.)

[UPDATE: Wow -- Turbo Hyper Mega Edition! Click it -- same great link, new great game, now with included Steve and Brian, as well as unlockable Francine and Meg characters.]

It's still Halloween somewhere...



In the last, dying throes of Halloween '06, I give to you: Scary Mary.

Julie Andrews is a key figure in my growing up (don't ask) so this is especially terrifying to me.

Sunday, October 29, 2006

Halloween Killjoy


Click It: Count Dracula not in the numbers, physicist says

So you see, zombies can be explained away by the ages-old "Japanese pufferfish toxin" excuse, and vampires are simply a mathematical impossibility. The professor goes on to break the news that Santa, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy were all recently killed in a fiery plane crash. That's all I'm saying.

Dirty Dancing: The Corner'ingation of Baby



"Say there you, Watermelon boy. Do you know where one can find a Tin Pan Alley?"

Friday, October 27, 2006

It's like a blue, latex, wet, backwards yarmulke



I'm no Mr. Wizard, but that video is scientifically awesome.

I imagine that's what it looks like when you're the sperm that breaks through the condom that 1% of the time or whatever.

What's more than "morbidly" obese?

I am not joking: Fried Coke Balls. That's what that is in the picture below.

Deep-fried, cola-flavored donut-batter bombs, served in a cup, like at least a dozen at a time, drizzled with more cola syrup and whipped cream and cinnamon sugar.

All I'm saying is that they're going to need to invent a new category beyond "morbidly" obese. (Kyle: "Fat ass?" Stan: "Super-fat ass?") [UPDATE: The technically correct phrase is "Super Obese," so South Park blazes the trail yet again. UPDATE UPDATE: There's also this respected doctor who coined the special technical term, "Super-Duper Obese."]

The careful reader will note that next year's fair fare will include Fried Diet Coke, in case you're watching your girlish figure.

Thursday, October 26, 2006

This time Corky didn't burn the house down.



He burnt the freakin' house DOWN. That's all I'm saying.

A little Halloween treat.



"We're not unreasonable. I mean, no one's gonna eat your eyes."

I don't know who this Janice is...



...but I'm with her. This is quantifiably, empirically hilarious.

(It's OK to laugh because the kid didn't die. Right?)

I know you must have seen this...



...but come on, man!

1) A Madonna remix, with rap
2) Breakdancing
3) A little person
4) Some sort of foreign language (which, I guess, is Tamil), and
5) Inappropriate smoking

You can NOT beat this video.

Divorce Shocka-Locka-Locka-Locka



I dare you to click it: Stephen Hawking's Marriage in Black Hole

If you're keeping humor score, rejected subject line alternatives for this post included:

  • Stephen Hawking Was Married to Carrot Top?
  • If She Can't Beat You, Divorce Her
  • A Brief History of "Time for You to Hit the Road"
  • World-Famous Scientists Gone Wild!

And for the timid, the third-to-last and second-to-last paragraphs of the linked article conjure up eye-bleachingly disturbing imagery (as if my subject lines weren't bad enough). Reader discretion is advised.

Me and My Angst (Gettin' Goddy With It)

I'm supposed to be working right now, but today is so blah that it's too hard to focus. I'm blazing new trails and have the digital cable music system set to "Smooth Jazz". (I know -- I'm a wild man. But when you realize it's normally on "80's" or "Show Tunes" you realize how out of the zone "Smooth Jazz" is.) It's just a rainy, smooth jazzy day.

Brenda has started a new blog to help envision the future of the Later @ St. Luke's community. The work that she and others are doing to lead the discussion about where we're heading and what it'll look like is very exciting -- for Later and for our entire congregation. I'm eager to see where the group's mix of Christ-centered faith, forward-looking techno-savvy and enthusiastic teamwork will end up.


Planning for the Africa trip is in full-swing. Looks like I'll be bumped up from second-string story-teller into the big leagues, now that our dear friend Rosemary Brown is unable to join us for the trip. I talked with Don and Marilyn yesterday and learned more about what I, specifically, will be doing to contribute to the mission of the group. In addition to helping with the children's peace activities in Liberia, I'll be working in Sierra Leone to learn about the needs of our friends in Jaiama, so I can come back and share their struggles and their joys. You know, so many of the others on the work team have actual skills (medical/pharmacy training, construction background, counseling experience, etc.), and I felt intimidated that I don't have any real-time applicable skills to speak of that might translate into an effective contribution over there. Now, I'm really excited about the opportunity to use the gifts that God gave me to communicate the need by articulating a clear vision and enrolling individuals and families to help us realize that vision. I've still got about $1,800 to raise, but I'm doing my part and trusting God with the heavy lifting to get me over there. (Insert self-deprecating "heavy lifting" joke here.)

My prayer is that God will allow us to see how we can work together in loving support to reach our shared and individual dreams for the future. I am grateful for opportunities and friendships that have powered me into the place where I am today, and I continue to give thanks as I seek out new opportunities and friendships to advance my personal mission and to realize God's purpose for me.

Amen