Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Worst. Lifetime Movie. Ever.

And that is saying a lot.

Thanks to my father's inexplicable fondness for Lifetime movies*, I was exposed this evening to the cinematic trash known as Last Exit.

The plot, and I use the term veeeeeery loosely, revolves around two women -- (1) a single mom caring for her 10-year-old wheelchair-bound bunny rabbit of a son, and (2) a married-to-a-bum mother-of-two-teenagers on the career track if only she can land the Kraeger account, whatever that is.

It starts as Career Mom cuts off Single Mom in traffic one morning, and then the story weaves back and forth as their paths for the day cross -- unbeknownst to them -- until at the end of the day Single Mom goes carnival-freak crazy and beats the crap out of Career Mom, who pulls a gun and delivers a 9-mm gift to Single Mom's chest cavity. Strangely, it all ends in a moderately happy ending. Not.

Dear Lifetime, enclosed is a bill for two hours of my life, payable upon receipt.

Awesomely random casting note: Kathleen Robertson, who plays Single Mom, also played Evelyn Dick in "Torso: The Evelyn Dick Story". Which I am not making up. And which, ironically, is not actually about the trials and tribulations of a multiple amputee, but is rather the story of the most lurid murder case in Canadian history.

* Truly, this is one of life's great mysteries. Along with "Who's actually buying the Ronco Showtime Rotisserie?" and "How do they get the goo in the Twinkie?" modern science remains unable to explain why my father, a 68-year-old man's man, can become instantly engrossed in any movie which follows the MadLibsian "[NOUN]: The [WOMAN'S NAME] Story" title pattern.

Bonus footnote: You can watch a 9-second clip of the climactic car crash scene (this takes place prior to the aforementioned shooting) by clicking here. Career Mom is in the SUV, being chased by now-over-the-edge Single Mom (in a red POS that you don't see in the clip).

1 comment:

Sam L. Parity said...

Couldn't agree more. Sat there watching the whole time wondering when something was actually going to happen in this movie. Of course, they spent two hours cutting back and forth between the ending of the film, so even that was not much of a surprise either.