Monday, February 26, 2007

And, oh yeah -- great news

I've figured out a way to post YouTube videos on the new Blogger.

Woo hoo!

beczka tańczy ymca

It is unclear to me whether these are actual monks, for you see it's all in Polish. Or Latin.

Either way, I find this hilarious.

Saturday, February 24, 2007

Your Ship A Splode

While my friend Jason is the only one who would understand why irony is "so damn maddening," everyone understands why Retron is so damn maddening. In this Space-Invaders-on-crack game, you shoot the bad guys. That's all there is to it, but you'll see it's pretty tough.

This game is on eBaum's World, the same site as the other (maddening) one, Tangerine Panic.

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

"OMG. Why are they so big?" indeed.

So I've just discovered a brainless fantastic webgame called Tangerine Panic.

You are Stickman, and your only mouse-driven purpose in life is to avoid being stomped by the tangerines, which are appearing seemingly out of nowhere.

In seven tries, I have averaged around 75 tangerines dodged, but have scored as high as 115.

What's your best score?

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

So THAT'S why I hate the Nazis so much...

Friends and family are aware that Wonder Woman, in addition to being one of my favorite shows as a young lad, was instrumental in helping me learn to read. Friends and family may not be aware -- as I myself was not aware -- that it was Wonder Woman who was also instrumental in subliminally helping me learn to hate the Nazis.

I've just discovered that you can buy Season One of Wonder Woman on iTunes. And I've also just discovered that almost every episode in Season One of Wonder Woman had something to do with Nazis.

Where was I during all this? How did I not realize that Wonder Woman was fighting the Nazis in every episode? All I'm saying is, here's the iTunes episode description for the 14 episodes from Wonder Woman, Season One:

Episode 1: The New, Original Wonder Woman
Based on the classic comic book character created by Charles Moulton about an Amazon princess who travels to America to fight crime and injustice with her superhuman powers.

Episode 2: Wonder Woman Meets Baroness Von Gunther
An American war hero is implicated in a Nazi spy ring in a confession given by a German spy in prison.

Episode 3: Fausta: The Nazi Wonder Woman
Wonder Woman must use all her cunning and prowess when confronted by her evil Nazi counterpart. (Scott's note: Which I am totally downloading.)

Episode 4: Beauty on Parade
Wonder Woman participates in a beauty pageant suspected of being a front for enemy saboteurs.

Episode 5: The Feminum Mystique, Part I
Wonder Woman tries to rescue Wonder Girl after she is kidnapped by the Nazis who want to learn the secrets of their bracelets and jet. Part one of two-part episode. (Scott's note: Part two, apparently Episode 6: The Feminum Mystique, Part II, is not available.)

Episode 7: Wonder Woman vs. Gargantua
Wonder Woman battles a seven-foot-tall, 500-pound gorilla. (Scott's note: No word on whether it was a Nazi gorilla, or perhaps from an evil petting zoo.)

Episode 8: The Pluto File
An Irish mercenary, carrying the bubonic plague, steals a document that explains the creation of earthquakes for the Nazis.

Episode 9: The Last of the Two Dollar Bills
Wonder Woman thwarts the Nazis' plan to flood the United States with counterfeit $2 bills.

Episode 10: Judgement from Outer Space, Part I
Wonder Woman must rescue an alien ambassador, who came to Earth to pass judgment on mankind and have the planet destroyed, from the Nazis. (Scott's note: What? Read that again -- and what does it have to do with Nazis?)

Episode 11: Judgement from Outer Space, Part II
Wonder Woman must rescue an alien ambassador, who came to Earth to pass judgment on mankind and have the planet destroyed, from the Nazis. (Scott's note: see above.)

Episode 12: Formula No. 407
Wonder Woman and Steve Trevor travel to Argentina to beat a pair of enemy agents to a secret formula that can make rubber as tough as steel.

Episode 13: The Bushwhackers (Scott's note: Seriously.)
Wonder Woman helps a Texas rancher stop a ring of cattle rustlers working for the Nazis. (Scott's note: Wait -- what?)

Episode 14: Wonder Woman in Hollywood
Wonder Woman must stop the Nazis from sabotaging a film about four American war heroes.

Monday, February 19, 2007

The Family Is Growing...Aquatically

Over the last couple weeks, I've been furnishing my office with new and exciting items -- souvenirs from Africa, sophistimacated filing systems, an old keepsake clock that I got from Hilligoss Galleries, etc.

Today, two precious new items arrived. Here they are:

An orange goldfish, who is a little suspicious of his/her new home, and a black goldfish, who is really just going with the flow, so to speak. They are each currently about an inch and a half long. My Petco pet consultant indicated that they may grow up to 12 inches long. Hopefully that won't be the case -- because come on! -- but I'll keep you posted on their progress. If you have any helpful hints about goldfishery, feel free to leave them in the comments.

Anyway, they need names. Any suggestions? I'm currently thinking Phil and Thropy.

(Get it? "Phil an' Thropy"? "Philanthropy"? Since I'm the fundraiser? Oh, shut up.)

Thursday, February 15, 2007

Brilliant!

Just this afternoon, Tom and Jack and I were trying to figure out where to go for lunch.

Actually, I was trying to figure out where to go for lunch, and I invited Tom along, in the hope that he would have a preference. Alas, he did not, so we invited Jack along, in the hope that he would have a preference. Jack also had no preference.

Thus foiled thricely, we hung out in the lobby of the office and waited around staring blankly at one another until Darlene happened out and told us to go to The Artistocrat Pub in Broad Ripple.

Well, thanks to the Wheel! Of! Food! we don't have to make that decision -- or stare blankly at one another, or wait for Darlene's recommendation -- anymore.

Not only does the W!O!F! suggest a place to go (provided you don't fall victim to the 2 SKIP LUNCH spaces on the wheel), it also provides contact info AND customer reviews. Awesome.

Here's a little tip from your Uncle Scott, free of charge: try "restaurant" instead of "food" for your query. Or, if you've got a specific craving, try "pizza," "Mexican," or the like.

Thursday, February 08, 2007

Nothin' wrong with an eighth-grader who can tango...

...especially if that eighth-grader just won the Super Bowl.

Bravo, Peyton. Bravo!

Great gift idea...

In case you've been wondering about what to get me for St. Valentine's Day or St. Patrick's Day or any of the other Days named after St.s, here is a handy gift idea that I would love -- no matter when: a Giordano's Chicago-style pizza delivered to my door, which is not currently in Chicago.

Seriously? This is the best pizza I've ever tasted, and that's saying a lot.

And they'll make one fresh, freeze it overnight, and then ship it to you UPS or whatever.

Bravo, Giordano's! Genius! Brilliant!

Monday, February 05, 2007

Super Ads

I have to tell you that the reports that Super Bowl ads have jumped the shark are false. These two commercials -- both with a trilled Spanglish "rRrRr" -- really made me laugh.

Regular readers know my feelings about computer-generatedly talking animals.* But I'm willing to overlook that rule in favor of the Taco Bell Lions and their CarRrRrne Asada Taquitos:



And while I find the last-two-seconds "punchline" of this ad unnecessary, I do enjoy the Checkout Girl's enthusiasm for Salsa VerRrRrde Doritos:



What was your favorite? And what did you think of that homophobic/just plain weird Snickers ad?




* If we have learned one thing and one thing only from the last five years, let it be that just because we have the technology to do something doesn't mean we should do it.

Superfoods for the Pessimist

Funny, from author Chris Hicks on today's McSweeneys:


Blueberries
Contain massive doses of a number of antioxidants, including anthocyanins and other polyphenols, and carotenoids. They are also high in fiber, folic acid, and vitamins C and E, none of which can help you now.

Tomatoes
An excellent source of lycopene. This antioxidant chemical neutralizes free radicals in the body, reducing the rate of oxidation in your cells and slowing the aging process. Slowing, not stopping: you will never be 18 again.

Apricots
This über-food has been proven to boost serotonin levels, giving fleeting feelings of contentment, which cast the despair into sharper relief. Use them as a snack or to brighten up a salad.


Walnuts
Walnuts contain massive amounts of omega-3 fatty acids, which fight heart disease, and plant sterols, which lower cholesterol, as well as lots of antioxidants. You can lower your risk of cardiovascular disease by 15 percent to 50 percent if you eat a few five times a week. You will still rot in the nursing home, but more slowly and at greater cost to your kids.

Apples
All have tons of antioxidants, including flavonoids and other polyphenols, and fiber. Protect against strokes and diseases such as Alzheimer's. Do not protect against drug-related violence, vehicular homicide, or the spirit-crushing grayness of this tawdry existence.

Broccoli
A good source of vitamin E, which is otherwise hard to get into the diet. Especially if the "diet" is microwave dinners for one, seasoned with tears.

Watercress
As well as being stuffed full of antioxidants and fiber, and containing virtually no calories, this wonder salad is probably the only organism on earth more truly impotent than you. Add to salads and sandwiches for peppery flavor and laughable feelings of superiority.

Dark Chocolate
An excellent source of flavenoids, which lower cholesterol and prevent fatty deposits from building up in your arteries. Will keep your broken heart beating—as a second-to-second reminder that you are alone—long after you want it to stop.

Friday, February 02, 2007

Big Weekend: World Series, Super Bowl, New Job

Lots going on right now!


In 11 short hours, I'll be heading to Chicago to join Mike and Jon for auditions for the World Series of Pop Culture. This competition pits teams of 3 against each other in a music, tv and movie trivia contest, and if we do well enough we'll head to New York City for the 16-team tournament in March. Wish us luck! I'm actually pretty optimistic -- on the local radio station this week, one of the sports promotions guys who's taking his own team to the Chicago auditions this weekend was interviewed, and they asked him a bunch of pop culture trivia questions and he didn't know the answer to many of them. So we'll see...



In 45 hours, our Indianapolis Colts will be taking on the Chicago Bears in Super Bowl XLI. Now, you know I am no sports fan, but Go Colts!



And in 60 hours, I'll be starting my new job as the director of development at Broadway United Methodist Church.

The clock, she ees teeking! And good things are happening -- woo hoo!

UPDATE: The World Series of Pop Culture kicked our butts. The qualifying questions on the written exam were TOUGH! The Beagles failed to qualify.

UPDATE UPDATE: I signed a confidentiality agreement about the World Series of Pop Culture audition process, and my UPDATE above is probably OK, but just in case, let's pretend I didn't say anything.

UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE: Oh, yeah -- the Colts won the Super Bowl, and it was awesome. And my new job is even better than the Colts winning the Super Bowl!