Monday, April 30, 2007

Four-Hour Work Week Superstar!

I've just realized how much the cover of the Four-Hour Work Week looks like the CD cover for Jesus Christ Superstar:



Not sure what that means, or what the two-palm-trees Four-Hour Work Week logo has to do with the two-angel JCS logo, but thought I'd share it...

PS -- I bought the book and am enjoying it. Now if I can just convince Mike on the benefits of a four-hour work week at Broadway, I'll be golden!

Sunday, April 29, 2007

SESQUICENTBLOGIAL!


It's my 150th post, y'all! Seems like just yesterday we were celebrating my 100th post. I'm not really sure this blog serves much of a purpose, other than giving family, friends, and other randoms the opportunity to waste tons of time. But it's mine, and I claim it. Big thanks to all who visit regularly or seldom or even just one time!

Saturday, April 28, 2007

The Four-Hour Work Week

I am a sucker for shortcuts.

Timothy Ferriss, 29-year-old author/tango champ/ultimate fighter, has written "The Four-Hour Work Week," a book to help you and me live our retirement dreams today by better managing information and work patterns. "Why work 40 years and THEN enjoy retirement?" he says. "Let's enjoy life now, and make more money while we're at it." But it's not exactly that easy. His blog (www.fourhourworkweek.com) lists some important time-/dream-/self-management tips and other ways of re-thinking "work" which may take some getting used to.

I think I'm going to get this book -- it seems like the most effective shortcut-that-takes-hard-work-and-concentration ever. Interesting premise...

Heckuvan article

I've enjoyed Heather Havrilesky since I was in college, when she was a writer for Suck.com. Her column, self-deprecatingly entitled "Filler," heavily influenced my sense of humor and style of writing/blogging.

She now has what I believe to be the best job in the world: TV writer for Salon.com. And in her latest article, she does two very, very awesome things:

  1. She reminisces about a brilliant variant of the board game Clue, called "Cousins," which she and her brother and sister invented. Not only do I love the game Clue -- and the movie version -- I also love the fact that they made up their own board game.
  2. After getting through the obligatory Sopranosfest in her weekly TV column, she writes a compelling review of "51 Birch Street," a documentary premiering on Cinemax next week. I have no idea what this film is about, as Havrilesky dances around it so as not to spoil it, but I can not wait to see it.

Anybody get Cinemax?

God on the Brain

In their special Brains! issue, Slate.com has an interesting article about the field of "neurotheology" -- an intersection of religion and science I had not previously pondered.


Friday, April 27, 2007

10:34 a.m., Friday, April 27, 2007...

...the exact time, to the minute, when I lost my mind.

Whilst browsing the site in the post immediately below this, one of the songs playing was a cover of Britney Spears's "Toxic" -- a song which is not only officially cataloged as an earworm, but which also is among my Top Ten Ridiculous Songs Made Even More Hilarious When Performed In The Style of Ethel Merman. (Others in the Merman Top Ten include Justin Timberlake's "SexyBack" and C+C Music Factory's "Everybody Dance Now.")

Anyway, I decided I would download "Toxic" on iTunes when I got to work. Which I did. And which I immediately regretted.

For, you see, not only did I download "Toxic" but I was also pulled in by the ingenious marketing ploy that would make PT Barnum wet his pants: iTunes's Buy Album feature.

Just downloading "Toxic" would be 99¢ but downloading Britney's entire 22-song Greatest Hits album would be just $8.91: a per-song value of 40.5¢! I'd be a fool not to buy the whole thing, right? Right. So I did.

And now I'm listening to "...Baby One More Time," "Toxic" and perhaps the earwormiest earworm of all time, "Oops! I Did It Again".

I'm begging you to either kill me or disable my iTunes. It's for my own good.

Shop Here Now.

Over on 20ltd.com, a British site that offers very expensive, very limited-edition items for sale, you can find a veritable treasure trove of Things You Never Knew You Couldn't Live Without.

For example, one of only 5 black cashmere hammocks -- a steal at £9,000. Or an Expressionist silver tea and coffee set -- in an edition of 99, the set sells for a mere £20,000.

But by far the best item currently available is the Good vs. Evil foosball table. For just £14,500, you can have an Eleven-Forty Opus foosball table (edition = 20) with the good guys (Flash Gordon, Francis of Assisi, Jekyll, God) in white, and the bad guys (Hitler, Jack the Ripper, Hyde, Lucifer) in red.


And make sure your speakers are on. It's the coolest music you've ever listened to whilst blowing £2,900 on one of only 10 pairs of Onono sunglasses.

CURRENCY CONVERSION UPDATE: As of right now, £1 = $2.00237. So the cashmere hammock is a mere $18,000; the silver tea set is just $40,000; the foosball table is $29,000; and the sunglasses are the deal of the century at $5,800.

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

How DO you solve a problem like Maria?

McSweeney's has a few suggestions.



Given the severity of some of the recommendations, I think Maria is right to look concerned.

Watch This Now.

There...are...no...words:

(I DARE YOU TO CLICK IT)

At least the Prez and MizBush were getting their respective grooves on at an anti-malaria event. You gotta give 'em credit for that.

And if it had not already been made abundantly clear, this seals it -- I am decidedly unPresidential...I just like to dance too much.

Obsessive much?

Just a little.

Thanks to Google Analytics, I can present to you the first two months of the only part of blogtracking I remotely understand. To wit:


It's unclear exactly what happened in mid-March where my readership plummeted, but I feel like I'm back in the game now, so there you go.

I have no idea what the difference is between a visit and a page view, so if you can shed some light on that, let me know. And is 100 visits/200 page views in one week good? And what are your feelings on the ads? Shall I attempt to dominate the internets with my blog and generate all manner of cash with the AdWords?

Discuss.

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

An autographed football does not make up for this...

If CSU doesn't play its cards right, it very well may become Caden Thomas University.

Lawsuit, baby!

Monday, April 23, 2007

Rabbits are funny

I don't rightly know what this is, and I'm not sure why it makes me laugh, but I've achieved a level of peace with the mysteries of life, and I'm just passing it on to you, gentle reader:

Sunday, April 22, 2007

Standard Metaphor-Off Rules Apply

Soiled and blood-soaked underwear never sounded so good!

Saturday, April 21, 2007

Just in time for my birthday: a splashy movie musical!

If you're keeping track, and I'm pretty sure you are, you already know that the movie musical is among my favorite art forms. My mom and dad's "song" is "Edelweiss" from "The Sound of Music" -- not to mention Mom's musical ability and Dad's documented penchant for Lifetime movies. I come by it naturally.

So you can imagine my delight upon stumbling across the trailer for "Hairspray," the latest Producersesque movie based on a musical based on a movie:



It's not out until July 20, but that's perfect timing for my birthday!

(*cough* July 21 *cough*)

Thursday, April 19, 2007

Perpetually Nauseous Update

Click here for a hilarious update to Michael Cyril Creighton's observations about Anne of Green Gables and the phone call that he got about whether it was appropriate for an eight-year-old (whispers) adopted Asian child.

Museum Death Match

Despite numerous reasons not to locate your business or family to Indiana -- effing ridiculous constitutional amendments; astronomical rates of obesity (see my picture, left) and smoking (blech); utter lack of mountains, oceans, and anything remotely resembling any sort of resort living -- there is reason to take heart. Two new museums in the Hoosier State are poised to transform our very lives, attracting new businesses and virtually eliminating Brain Drain!

One, I've already mentioned: the American Super Heroes Museum. The other, not so much. It's called Discovery Express, and it "relates biblical truths to current culture through history and science." Hey, kids! Get in the car! We're going to the Creation Science Museum!

In an effort to help you sort out which museum to visit next time you're loading up the Family Truckster, I have assembled the following helpful chart:

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Prepare to lose your mind

Entertainment ranker Famousr.com has a fun way for you to go insane game for you to play.

It shows you two famous people, and all you have to do is click on the one that you think is more famous. You try to go for the longest streak you can get. My best is 23 -- I am weak.

There's some sophistimacated algorithm involved -- but also some fuzzy math,
you'll find. Because it's partially based on mentions on Google and other search sites, as well as appearances in various other news media, Screech was rated as more famous than James Dean. Come on!

I call Shenanigans.



UPDATE: I've actually figured out a handy technique that served me well on the way to a streak of 45! (Nearly double my previous record!)

I simply pretend I'm a snooty maitre d' and the two famous people walk in to my restaurant (Le Grand Snahb) at exactly the same time, and I have to choose which one gets a table and which one goes to McDonald's.

Sadly, the wiggity-wiggity-wiggity-wack fame algorithm trumps common sense, somehow leading Dane Cook to get filet mignon, while Michael Caine gets a Happy Meal. Come on, man -- Dane Cook?!

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Buon Giorno, Comentera!

It's been a week of firsts, y'all.

I got my first a-reader-on-every-continent week, I stared at aging cheese for 24 minutes, 44 seconds for the first time ever, and now, I've received a comment from somewhere other than the US! Check it out in my post about the Will Ferrell video immediately below. I feel so international!

I can only guess that La Cuoca (which, by the way, means "The Cook" in Eye-talian) happened to be on the Blogger homepage when I made that last post and she just RandomBlogged over.

Because, seriously? I really don't think my readership is all that great among Italians.

Yet.

The Landlord

Many people know of my distaste for Will Ferrell. I don't really find him appealing as a comic actor. I think he was fine on SNL, but his feature-length work simply does not work for me. Of course, I haven't really seen that many of his movies, so maybe he's grown as an actor since A Night at the Roxbury.

But I must tell you, the short video he's starring in is pretty funny. Of course, to say he's the "star" is a bit misleading...check out the debut of Li'l Pearl in The Landlord.

Monday, April 16, 2007

Seriously. Save twenty bucks and READ the movie.

There are times when I read a movie review or see a trailer and think, "Hmm! That looks like a good movie, and I'd like to go see it." And then with almost every movie I see, I think, "Now, that is the dumbest thing I've ever wasted two hours on. Why in the world did I spend all this money on that stupid movie?"


Ah, but my friends, I have discovered something wonderful. Something magical. Something -- dare I say -- awesome. And, of course, it's available for free via the interwebotron.


On www.themoviespoiler.com, over 750 movies -- from American Beauty to Zoolander -- have been synopsized for your and my cheapskate pleasure. No longer must we be tempted by the tantalizing, yet ultimately hollow, promise of movie popcorn smell! No longer must we subject ourselves to such movie theater inconveniences as cell-phone-at-the-movies-user, candy-wrapper-rattler, popcorn-chomper, level-5-biohazard-incubator, and movie-character-talker-to-er! No longer must we spend $4 on a small (48 oz.) Coke!

So click on over and save yourself some time and money. Just another handy tip from your Uncle Scott.

Sunday, April 15, 2007

You're Invited!


Everybody loves wine and dance! Pairings is a fundraiser for Motus Dance Theatre, a modern dance company in Indianapolis. They've specifically chosen six varieties of wine and paired them with six originally choreographed dance pieces for this elegant and exciting evening of elegance and excitement.

Tickets are $50 each. Drop a comment or send me an e-mail if you want details or if you want to receive an actual invitation, instead of the one I scanned and posted above.

Or click here for tickets.

Friday, April 13, 2007

This is what it sounds like ... when love dies (not safe for kids or work)

Dig, if you will, a picture: a bunch of fundamentalist wackjobs singing made-up lyrics to my favorite song of the 80s.

So, you see: "YOU" face a fiery day for your proud sinning. Whereas those who are (badly) singing this ignorant song of hatred have their spot reserved in Heaven.

Friends, I've seen, heard, and smelled a lot of strange stuff in my time. I've learned a lot...but what the heck does "You'll eat your kids" mean?

Thursday, April 12, 2007

"No. There is an elephant in the way."

Growing up, it never occurred to me that not being prepared for a test was even an option.

Even if it had occurred to me that it was OK not to study for a test, it would never have occurred to me to be such a smart-ass creative thinker in response to math stumpers such as:

Expand (a+b)n
by replying:

= (a+b)n

= (a+b)n

= ( a + b ) n

= ( a + b ) n

= ( a + b ) n

Kids today, I guess. Check out They Didn't Study.

Better Cheddar

I swear to Grandpa -- no one is this bored.

Click here and let's have a contest: time yourself watching the scintillating coverage of British cheddar cheese aging, and then in the Comments section, leave a note with how long you were able to sit there witnessing cheese getting older.
My record so far, after three tries, is 12 seconds.

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Google simplifies EVERYTHING!

In addition to tracking my growing international legion of fans -- Scott zombies, if you will, which I shall hereafter shorten into "Scombies" -- Google offers a wide array of services to you, the humble user of the interwebotron.

For example, it will help you get from place to place:
  • Go to Google.com
  • Click on Maps
  • Click on Get Directions
  • In the search window type: From "New York, New York" and To: "Paris, France"
  • Make sure you put New York, New York in the starting address and Paris, France in the ending address
  • Read line # 23
It's just so simple.

(Thanks, Julmille, for the tip!)

Anne of Green Gables is age-appropriate

Michael Cyril Creighton, frequent podcaster on BestWeekEver.tv, maintains a blog called Perpetually Nauseous, which is quantifiably hilarious.

I think he works in some theater box office in New York, where he received this awesome phone call. I will not reproduce it here, for I want you to go read it and experience the entire blog for yourself.

Click it.

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Acceptable.TV

VH-1 is running a new series called "Acceptable.TV" and it features some of this interactiveness that the interwebotron is so famous for. You can make your own short-form video and submit it to their website, and then if enough users vote for it, it'll be broadcast on ... wait for it ... wait for it ... BASIC CABLE!

But to get you started, the producers of Acceptable.TV have made their own short features:

Operation Kitten Calendar, an Apprentice-style reality show that pits four kitten-calendar designer/photographers against each other in the race to create the most marketable kitten calendar.


Yo! Murder He Rapped, a celebrity-studded mystery drama very much like those that had the Semester family huddled around the television on Sunday nights from 1986 through 1990.


And Shady Acres, the best teen soap that ever took place in a Center for Teens with Rapid Aging Disorder. It's Dawson's Creek meets The Golden Girls! (And if you know anything about me, you know this pleases me.)

A momentous occasion

Look at this Geo Map Overlay that represents one week of page visits for this blog ... what strikes you about it?


Look closely, think critically (or crazily, like me), count carefully, categorize compulsively, and what do you see?

Wait for it ...

Wait for it ...

Wait for it ...

It's the first time ever that I've gotten pageviews from every trackable continent in a seven-day period!

Oh. Em. Gee, you guys!

Let us celebrate as though we were Coach Pat Riley!

Sunday, April 08, 2007

TechnoChicken Dance(s)

We know now that my readership is a ragtag bunch from many nations. But whether you're from Prague or Sydney or Broad Ripple, if you're anything like the three regular readers of this blog, you've got 6 minutes and 4 seconds to kill.

So I recommend you watch this entire video, although what happens about 50 seconds in is what made me blow milk out my nose.

I can only imagine how my life might have been shaped differently if we'd had this sort of technology when I was growing up.

Saturday, April 07, 2007

She's kind of like a Japanese Avril Lavigne.

Look -- just two posts ago, I was reflecting on the fact that Chuck E. Cheese is a Rat Bigot. So I can't go making racist pronouncements such as Japan puts out some weird-ass stuff.

All I'm saying is, while the tune's catchy, this video from Tommy Heavenly6 is a real noggin-scratcher.

"Some people can invade countries in moderation. You can't."

Jewel, your racism needs straightening.

So, apparently the E. in Chuck E. Cheese actually stands for prEjudice.

When a woman planned her 1-year-old's first birthday party at the eastside-Indy Chuck's, she expected a delightful afternoon of costumed characters, animatronic pop-music from The Rockafire Explosion, ball-pit hilarity for the young kids, video-gamertainment for the older ones, and reasonably priced pizzas with one or more toppings for everyone to enjoy.

She did not expect to tussle with the manager over a charge on her bill and then have her family treated disrespectfully ("Don't worry about the check, just get your black EXPLETIVE out of here"), after said manager also kicked out another African-American couple and apologized to white customers. And yet, that's exactly what her lawsuit alleges.

That passive-aggressive narrator from the aforementioned How To Be A Costumed Character video needs to quit teaching teenagers how to mime "I'm opening a door" and get to work voiceovering a How Not To Be A Racist Jerk video.

Either that, or they need to provide the entire Chuck E. Cheese workforce with one hell of a lot of sensitivity training, which I propose should consist entirely of equal parts Diversity Beans and swift kicks to the head.

Friday, April 06, 2007

Thanks, Easter Bunny! Bawk Bawk!

'Tis the season for chocolate binging and inappropriate pastels ... enjoy!

If you're into finding hidden eggs, this one's for you:


And if you're into dy(e)ing eggs, here ya go:

Thursday, April 05, 2007

Most Rock/Hard Place Headline Ever

Wait for it ...

Wait for it ...

Whitney Houston gets child custody

Yeah. Because Bobby Brown's the one with poor parenting skills.

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Lurk much, Dick?

What on God's green earth is Vice President Cheney doing in the White House shrubbery during President Bush's press conference?

Best "International Symbol For ____" Ever

On my new Staples® brand paper shredder, I have discovered what I believe to be the coolest non-verbal warning sign ever.

Of course, there is the traditional international symbol for "I'd suggest you think twice before putting your hand into the shredder, you fool."


But right next to that, I also have this one:

That would be the slightly less well-known international symbol for "You probably want to make sure your necktie doesn't get sucked into the shredder and pull you to a tragic and bloody, albeit hilarious, death."

I kind of wonder what sort of lawsuit actually prompted the development of the NO NECKTIE symbol and what the designer who got the assignment thought.

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

What's Dave Coulier gonna do with all that junk?

This video from Alanis Morrisette reimagines Fergie's humps in a different light.

Monday, April 02, 2007

Field Trip!

I'm thinking about making a trip over to Indy's new American Super Heroes Museum on Saturday, April 7.

Anybody wanna come?

There's an Easter Egg Hunt at Broadway at 2:00pm Saturday afternoon (assuming the Easter Bunny behaves himself), and then I'm thinking maybe around 4:00pm heading over to the Museum, probably find somewhere for dinner afterwards. The museum is open until 8:00 on Saturdays, according to the website.

My friend Jon is in town from Arizona, and that may be his last night here, so I may not make it after all, but leave me a comment if you'd like to be part of a trip to the Heroes Museum, either this weekend or some other time!