Saturday, November 03, 2007

A Political Zoo

I just read the first letter to the editor that ever made me laugh out loud.

The people of Indianapolis will be voting for mayor on Tuesday, and because of property taxes, public safety, and a variety of other issues, folks are pretty fiercely divided.

One citizen writes in today's Star:

Now let me see if I've got this straight: Bart Peterson, when confronted with astronomical increases in our property taxes, responded by raising our income taxes. When confronted with a soaring serious crime rate, he responded by giving away the police department.

A zebra, selected at random from the Indianapolis Zoo, would be an improvement over the incumbent mayor. Fortunately, in Greg Ballard, we have a far better alternative. Ballard will restore common sense and accountability to the mayor's office; he will contain costs and, most important, he will make Indianapolis once again a safe place to live.

For emphasis, please allow me to repeat:

"A zebra, selected at random from the Indianapolis Zoo, would be an improvement over the incumbent mayor."

This is at least among the top three funniest things ever submitted to the Star.

For you see, it was not enough for Jon D. Kindred to say "A zebra from the Indy Zoo would be an improvement." Rather, he had to say "A zebra, selected at random..." as if to say, "Now, I know there are bright zebras and dumb zebras at the Zoo. What I'm saying is even if you picked, at random, the dumbest zebra at the Indianapolis Zoo, that randomly-selected zebra would be better than the incumbent mayor. Not the one elected by his peers. Not the one chosen on the basis of appearance or outstanding achievement in the zebraic arts. But any one that is randomly selected."

All I'm saying is that this specific brand of zebra-differentiation just makes me laugh. (I also like that he explicitly points out that his candidate, Greg Ballard, would surpass even the randomly-selected zebra in mayoral performance.)

4 comments:

Troy said...

Oh please, there are at best three zebras at the Indianapolis zoo who would even come close to being qualified to replace Peterson. The others don't even vote.

Nat said...

I hear they are working on a "get out the vote" drive for the 2008 elections. That's just what I heard through the herd.

SSS said...

Ba-ZING! Wokka wokka!

Andrea Emerson said...

Love it! I'll have to think of ways to insert the zebra quote into daily conversation...