Monday, January 21, 2008

From the Vault: Excerpts from a Chat Session

This is from an AIM session from 2006. I’ve removed all the links for obvious reasons. (As in, "I obviously don't want to seem like a jerk.") Actually, all links referenced were from a site which has since been shut down.

We join my friend’s and my chat after a prolonged discussion of houses for sale and our plans for the weekend and the many benefits of married life...

SSSemester: You marrieds have all the luck! I'm thinking of marrying some sort of immigrant – helping her gain access into the US and receiving gifts such as kitchen tools and elegant bedding on top of that. It's win-win!

[Friend]: Sounds like the perfect marriage for you.

SSSemester: Unless she wants me to actually, you know, talk to her. In which case, we're screwed. I'll have to look for a Russian girl or a girl from somewhere else that would be tough for me to learn her language and hard for her to learn English.

[Friend]: [Friend’s husband]'s cousin married a Russian mail-order chick.

SSSemester: How about Valentina ([link removed])? She's 67, right? She lists her profession as "geodesist". WTF?

[Friend]: geodesist that was MY question

[Friend]: And her hobbies are house work

SSSemester: a branch of applied mathematics concerned with the determination of the size and shape of the earth and the exact positions of points on its surface and with the description of variations of its gravity field

[Friend]: She's perfect for you

SSSemester: "And her hobbies are housework. She's perfect for you." I am crying from laughter.

[Friend]: LOL

SSSemester: And she doesn't speak a word of English: "0 - None"

[Friend]: How about her: [link removed]

[Friend]: LOL

[Friend]: “Scott?! Vwhere Are VU?!?!?!”

SSSemester: Is next? MailOrderBrideVwear!

SSSemester: She went to uneversity. But didn't learn to spell it.

[Friend]: LOL Speaking of that, check out the second outfit on this one: [link removed]

SSSemester: Is the right sleeve a separate piece? Maybe instead of "a teacher" she could be "a fashion designer"?

SSSemester: Are those three pics even the same woman?

[Friend]: Unclear

[Friend]: WTF!?!?! [link removed]

SSSemester: Hello, Elena!

[Friend]: LMAO

SSSemester: “In Soviet Russia, floral-print bikini wears YOU!”

[Friend]: LOL

[Friend]: Oh man, this is bad, bad bad!

SSSemester: This one, whose English is listed as "3 - Fair. Speaks barely enough to communicate without an interpreter but not over the telephone," uses the word "interlocutor". [link removed]

[Friend]: OMGOMGOMG [link removed]

[Friend]: "Interlocutor" is Russian for [edited because this is a family blog]

SSSemester: What's Russian for [also edited because this is a family blog]?

[Friend]: Look at this one. [link removed] "I Vill Crush You!"

SSSemester: Her profession is "Barman-waitress"

[Friend]: LOLL Man, do you think people really pay for these girls? It's just not right.

SSSemester: I don't know. But if you click "All Ladies" under search photos, it returns 7,312 results!

[Friend]: Folks’ll do anything to come to America.

3 comments:

Sarah said...

Way better with the missing links. A randy version of Mad-libs. Though my 8th graders could make any Mad-Lib randy.

Friend said...

Do you keep all our conversations?

SSS said...

Haha, no. Just the ones that I think are especially funny. But see what my 2004 foresight (which I shall pronounce "two thousand four-sight") hath wrought?

Brilliant!

UNANIMOUS!