Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Law and Order: Special Shenanigans Unit

So I was watching the SVU just now, and whilst enjoying Robin Williams's insane character and his multiple ripped-from-the-headlines plot devices, I came across an actual real-life investigation that reads like a James Patterson novel.

These two investigators have uncovered a clue -- a smiley face, of all things -- that connects more than 40 murders suspicious deaths of athletic, intelligent, well-liked college students over the past decade, mostly in the upper Midwestern US. They have identified a large, highly-organized, yet cell-ified, group of killers -- know some of their names, even! -- and yet they have not moved to detain them, for fear of catching one cell but letting another cell (or many others) go underground forever, ruining any shot at a criminal case.

What?!

Like, seriously: What?! I call Shenanigans. Is this not some sort of public safety issue? Shouldn't they be doing something about this? Won't someone please think of the children!? I kind of think the investigating detectives aren't being entirely truthful. Or, it could be, there's a very big part of my brain that doesn't want what they're saying to be true. A network of killers in the Midwest? No, thank you.

Also, if this were a James Patterson novel, you know that Professor Lee Gilbertson from St. Cloud State College would totally be, like, the ringleader of the gang. (That's a linking comprehension test -- did you watch the whole video on the page I linked to in the second paragraph?)

Now, if you'll excuse me, since I have just inadvertently busted this case wide open, I must go into hiding. First, though, allow me to point out that I am neither young nor athletic, nor all that intelligent, nor all that well-liked, really -- I don't at all fit the victim profile. (So far. GUNG-GUNG!)

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