Tuesday, July 22, 2008

35 Things

I turned 35 yesterday.

I figured I could use this opportunity to pause, reflect on life, and try to pass on some wisdom that I've learned over the years. So, without further ado, here are 35 things I've learned in 35 years:

  1. People whose vehicles are green are, on average, worse drivers than those who drive other-colored vehicles.
  2. At a church pitch-in, the coleslaw is typically safer than the potato salad.
  3. The only thing that differentiates a plant from a weed is how you feel about it.
  4. You should go to the doctor more than once every five years.
  5. When in doubt, talk it over with a family member.
  6. It's nice to be quiet for a while.
  7. Seriously, shut up.
  8. The West Africans say the best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago; the second best time is right now. I agree with the West Africans.
  9. Rabbits shouldn't eat a lot of carrots -- too much sugar.
  10. Sometimes heartbreaking honesty is actually less heartbreaking in the long run.
  11. I feel a lot better when I drive exactly three miles an hour over the speed limit.
  12. You don't need that much stuff in your suitcase.
  13. You don't need that much stuff in your house.
  14. You don't need that much stuff in your car.
  15. You don't need that much stuff in your life.
  16. Get a pet.
  17. Smiling really makes a difference.
  18. Even if you're on the phone.
  19. Especially if you're at the license branch.
  20. You are either more funny than you think you are or less funny than you think you are; never exactly as funny as you think you are.
  21. It's fun to get a message from a long-lost friend on Facebook, but I'll be damned if I know what a "poke" is.
  22. Floss. Change the oil. Go for a walk.
  23. In a parking lot, it's way better if we all just drive within the "lanes," in accordance with the direction in which the lanes are facing.
  24. Forgiveness is awesome for everybody.
  25. Know your suntan limitations and learn to live within them. Disregard all other limitations.
  26. Just Say Yes is a pretty good way to live life, but can get dicey in Rome.
  27. Think about what you would do if you won the lottery, then figure out a way to do it before you win the lottery.
  28. Your job is not your life, but your life is your job.
  29. I should do more stuff outside.
  30. There's always someone who's got it better than you; there's always someone who's got it worse than you.
  31. Inertia, inertia, inertia.
  32. The more I see of the world, the harder it is to be conservative.
  33. Dancing ... that joy I feel ... man, I should find that more. Same thing with singing, till-I-pee-laughing, and writing.
  34. It really doesn't matter who's the President or how much gas costs or which celebrity just got pulled over for DUI; love's the thing, and that's what sees us through.
  35. It is easier to overlook gray (white!) chest hairs than emerging male pattern baldness.

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday, my friend...
--Sandi, Jeff, Aron and Leelen

Anonymous said...

thank you for making me, my mother, my grandmother and my uncle chuckle tonight!

jss said...

Hey, I drive a green car!!!!

SSS said...

Since when is your car green? I thought it was silver...did you get another car again?

SSS said...

PS -- Anonymous 2: Happy to oblige. Um, who are you? :)

Meana said...

If you got sick after the church pitch-in, how would you know if it was the coleslaw versus the potato salad?

jss said...

No, same car - but it's actually a shade of green. Dad said for me to remind you that he drives a green car too... I guess I'll remain his favorite son for a while longer!

SSS said...

Haha! *Remains politely quiet*