Monday, July 28, 2008

Trip to CO, Day 3

Looking back, I'm unable to pinpoint where, exactly, in the series of small, yet poor, decisions I might have stopped us from visiting the Renaissance Festival. Still can't really tell.

And so, there we were, a little behind schedule, but standing at the entrance of Colorado Renaissance Festival and Artisan Marketplace. Words cannot describe the sense of impending doom and butterfly-tummy excitement that I was feeling. You see, this was my first Renaissance Faire experience, and I had no idea what to expect. I mean, I imagined there would be great big turkey legs and all manner of wenches and whatnot, but I was not prepared for the diverse interpretations of "Renaissance" that we experienced. Apparently, there's a distinct subgroup of RenFaire people who celebrate pirates and privateering and the associated whatnot. Apparently, there's another distinct subgroup of RenFaire people who believe that, because it's all in the name of Renaissancery, decorum and good taste are unnecessary and their $16 bought them not only admission to the park but also the right to bare all manner of flesh. And apparently, there's a third distinct subgroup of RenFaire people who believe that simply by wearing a cloak, they can wear whatever else they want (Star Wars mask? Really?) and fit in. Which, sadly, they did.

Anwyay, there was also lots of cool stuff at the RenFaire. The first thing we did was visit the jousting arena for a daring display of canned-joke comedy and mediocre horsemanship. But it was jousting, man, so it was cool! After the jousting, we figured it might make sense to have something to eat, so I got my much-awaited Steak on a Stake, which, despite being a piece of flank steak on a wooden kebab rod, was actually really good. Other revelers in our Renaissance party doth not fared so well, as they diddeth opt for a Seville Sandwich.

MY LIEGE, DO NOT OPTETH FOR THE SEVILLE SANDWICH!

The menu tempts: "Seasoned beef in a tangy tomato sauce topped with cheese and wrapped in a tasty tortilla" and I almost forsook the Steak on a Stake in favor of the Seville Sandwich. But, boy, am I glad I didn't. For, you see, the sandwich described could have been what I imagined (a grilled steak wrap); or it could have been what it was: a dinky-ass fresh-from-frozen burrito.

RENAISSANCE PEOPLE, DO YOU ACCEPT THIS DECLARATION OF SHENANIGANS?

Anyway, once we finished lunch (some of us more satisfied than others), we walked to the other end of the park, where we were interrupted by a parade that included an elephant. At which point Bubba, whose 10th birthday was that day, decided that perhaps an elephant ride was in the cards that day. We added that to the list (it was really the only item on the list, since we didn't really have a plan), and went on our way.

We ended up at Puke & Snot. Charming, right? Puke & Snot is the comedy duo that has apparently been appearing at the Colorado Renaissance Festival for like, 600 years. Their picture in the park guide must have been from the early 80s, and, while we could tell they were the same guys (probably making the same jokes), their pic in the park guide had clearly not been updated in some time. Anyway, we found some seats in the shade and settled back for some comedy. Or, rather, some "comedy." Just kidding -- it really wasn't all that bad, but with all the time they've had to perfect their act, I expected more.

While we were waiting for Puke & Snot to start, I actually broke off from the group to go find Ye Olde Cashe Machine. Whilst on my noble quest, I also saw a booth selling blackberry cobbler with froyo, and how am I supposed to pass that up? So $2.50 lighter, I made my way back with my sweet blackberry goodness to join up with the group.

After Puke & Snot, we had just enough time for Bubba's elephant ride, and then some of the other kids (our group included eight or nine kids, aged four months to 18) decided they wanted some souvenirs, so we found a shady spot to enjoy some Italian ice (which we FINALLY found!) while they did their shopping.

Then we made our way to the hotel, then some dinner, then some birthday festivities for Bubba and then some pool time before bedtime.

Whew!

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