Tuesday, September 23, 2008

I know, but I don't know know, you know? (You: "No." Me: "Exactly.")

Ever since I was a little person, I have had a habit of knowing things I shouldn't have known.

Like, such as, things I had no reason to know: In Sunday School in third grade, we did Bible Charades. (Really. This, apparently, is a real thing.) One of the phrases my teammate was miming was "Something Wife Turned Something Something Something Something Salt." I have no idea how 8-year-old me knew to shout "Lot's Wife Turned Into A Pillar Of Salt!" like a Family Feud contestant, but I did.

Or like, things that I pre-knew: I knew my sister-in-law was pregnant before anyone told me. With both Madelynn and with Deuce (my new, on-the-way nephew).

And now I know a bunch of stuff that a bunch of people have asked me not to tell others, and, although each of the things is really an embargo until the individual tells the people he or she has to tell, it's just about killing me not to be able to talk about it. The thing about confidentiality is that it takes so damn much energy to keep track of who told me what and who knows who said which thing and who's allowed to know what. And, unlike some people (I'm looking at you, you know who you are -- I bet there's a reason I didn't confirm you as a friend on FaceBook/MySpace/Whatever.com), I don't do bullcrap Fake Confidentiality with knowing glances and innuendo. I keep it to myself, even though it takes a lot of energy and sleight of word and, you know, being the bigger person.

Overall, it's effing exhausting, is what it is.

Look, I get that there are professionals who have to carry around way more secrets than I do. (For example, clergy, therapists, attorneys, Bush administration officials...) But, honestly? They chose that line of work; I did not.

So, I'm thinking of adopting an Open Blog Policy, where anything anyone tells me -- or anything I think, for that matter -- is fair game for the blog. It would make my life so much simpler.

But don't worry -- for now, I remain, dear reader, your faithful confidant, willing to honor your request that I not share your private information with anyone.

Just, all I'm saying is, if my head explodes, you'll know why.


Meana said...

Well an open-blog policy would likely make those of us who talk way too much think twice! But, I don't think for a second that you'd actually post what you think without filtering first. :)

SSS said...

Yes, well, lucky for all of us, I do have a filter. A terrible, exhausting, professional, appropriate filter.

It would be so much easier to have an expressway from brain to mouth like others in my life; alas, that's not how God wired me...

Cassi said...

Pssst... don't tell anyone I said this (insert sarcastic laugh here) but I think your open-blog policy is the only way to go! I too have a terribly difficult time heafting the loads of data I've received following the phrase, "this is for your ears only." I often times find myself wanting to say, "STOP TALKING! DON'T TELL ME! MY LIMIT HAS BEEN REACHED AND I WILL MOST DEFINITELY SPILL THE BEANS IF YOU TELL ME!" But I want to be a good friend to all... Maybe if I had an "open-blog" policy of sorts some would pause... and refrain from unloading their secrets onto me.