Monday, December 29, 2008

Your feedback is important to us.

Dear potentially crazy potential web-stalker:

Thank you for your (choose one):
  • Utterly context-free response to a post on this blog from nine months ago.
  • Unsolicited out-of-nowhere MySpace friend request.
  • Random comment which, while written using actual English words (albeit with creative capitalization), does not actually contain complete English sentences.
  • Letter from your lawyer indicating my allegedly libelous characterization of you and/or your business.

At "All I'm Saying..." we strive to provide a superior blog experience, assuming your blog expectations are especially low. Your feedback is important to us. In your note, you indicated (choose one):

  • A spontaneous diatribe regarding your college experiences with marijuana and mescaline, including your contention, citing the US Constitution, the Federalist Papers, and the Second Vatican Council, that naturally-occurring substances should not be illegal.
  • An alleged description of how you think you know me from elementary school even though I have both total recall of seating charts from first through eighth grade AND all my yearbooks from 1980 to 1989.
  • Your familiarity with the words "asshat," "ketchup," "kumquat," "yeast," and "Renaissance," although your familiarity with their appropriate usage is, at best, marginal.
  • The degree to which my creative flippancy and slackerly research damaged your current and/or future income potential.

Please accept this response as proof of receipt of your correspondence. However, this should not be construed as (choose one):

  • My agreement with your theories regarding the legalization of drugs.
  • My acceptance of you as a friend on MySpace, Facebook, Twitter, Smaller Indiana, LinkedIn, or any other virtual social network.
  • My understanding of what the hell you're talking about.
  • My admission of guilt for engaging in libel or slander.

But I do hope you will continue to visit the ol' blog. Even though Because I make no money off the blog, I do appreciate your continued patronage.

In conclusion (choose one):

  • Thanks for writing, but I'd advise you not to hold your breath on a personal response.

Yr pal,

Scotty

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