Sunday, April 26, 2009

Things I judge you for and how my judgment manifests itself

When I judge you for bad driving, I call you an "idiot" (with my windows up) and maneuver around you as quickly as I can.

When I judge you for being a literal idiot (that is, being factually incorrect), I call you an "idiot" in my head and maneuver around you as quickly as I can.

When I judge you for bad parenting on account of your inappropriate response to your child's mid-Walmart meltdown, I say a prayer for your child. And for you.

When I judge your poor grammar and/or spelling, I (a) correct you and/or (b) decide not to read your blog/Twitter/FriendFeed/website/whatever any more.

When I judge you for having an extramarital affair and things get so bad at your house that you can no longer stay there, I invite you to stay with me in my condo for as long as you need.

When I judge you for continually chewing on the carpet even though I've asked you politely to stop, I gently nudge you with my foot and then fill your food dish with Rabbit Chow. And maybe an extra piece of celery as a treat for distraction.

When I judge you for using an inordinate amount of profanity, I write a blog post about profanity.

When I judge you for menacing and threatening me, I shake my fist at you, say things like "Come on!" and flap my arms embiggeningly.

When I judge you for poor leadership, I work hard to be a better leader than I'm being, using everything within me to "lead up."

When I judge you for selfishness, I go out of my way to be giving; when I reach my limit, though, I maneuver around you as quickly as possible.

When I judge you for any of the above things (and really anything else), I have a stern conversation with myself about it, remind myself that we're all God's children dealing with our own stuff, and then work to forgive you before working to forgive myself.


Sarah said...

Ohhh no you didn't. You are always starting drama with your friends... Do think Milo won't hear about your little comment? He may not want to be your friend after this.

Scott S. Semester said...

You're right, Sarah, this was not me being my Best Me. I've been passive-aggressive toward Milo and One Feather Up, and maybe that was wrong.

Fortunately, this is my blog for me, and I think it's time I start investing in myself and doing more things that serve me.

Of course, if you ask One Feather Up, I've been selfish and territorial all along.

Clifton said...

Scott, if you keep on thinking all these heavy thoughts, your brain will surely explode. Or implode. I don't know which is worse.


Scott S. Semester said...

Haha, too late, Clif. :) The explosion has already taken place, and my brain has begun leaking out through my ear.

Esmerelda said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Uh-oh. I had better start running spell-check on my comments from now on.

Esmerelda said...

Please please tell me if I have a typo or grammatical error in my blog. I am a horrible proofreader. Don't stop reading. Just gently correct.

xo Esme.