Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Dance Your Mmm-mmm*! Off

I thought we had a deal, you and I.

You watch out for basic-cable television programs that I might enjoy and then you notify me of said programs. In exchange, I provide a semiregular, semihumorous weblog -- or, "blog" -- for you to enjoy.

Boy, did you blow it. (It is entirely possible that boy, did I blow it, also. But let's try to stay focused. I'm trying to blame you here.)

For, you see, I have just discovered, of my own volition, the Oxygen program called "Dance Your Ass Off." It appears to be a hybrid of "Dancing with the Stars" and "The Biggest Loser." And it is totally a show that I would have auditioned for, had I only known. (Again, the blame lies solely and squarely at your feet, dear reader.)

Each week -- apparently, since Hulu is only showing clips, not full episodes (come on, Oprah, let Oxygen put its business on Hulu, please) -- normal, non-celebrity mortal contestants (well, portly mortals) learn choreography and then strut their stuff for judges, one of whom is Lisa Ann Something, who was on that one show whose title I can't think of right now and who is totally working the thin hotness compared to the last time you saw her.

Anyway, no thanks to you, I have discovered this program, and I am working my way through the clips on the Hulu. Like, such as:

* My friend Jason and I went to a leadership conference in college, and one of the break-out sessions on crisis management was called "When You're Up To Your Ass In Alligators," only it was actually titled, "When You're Up To Your A** In Alligators," because we were only 20, and 20-year-olds have never heard the word "ass" used before. Anyway, something happened during the conference, and the conferencemistress, a very proper Fräulein von Stickuppenzeebutt, had to make an announcement about that particular workshop. Only, she didn't call it "When You're Up To Your Ass In Alligators," nor did she say "When You're Up To Your A-Star-Star In Alligators," nor even "When You're Up To Your Butt In Alligators. No, instead she called it, "When You're Up To Your Mmm-mmm! In Alligators" -- and, in this case at least, "Mmm-mmm!" was pronounced with an "uh-oh" cadence and pitch to indicate saying "Ass" was, indeed, a no-no and frowned upon. So, whenever I want to type or say "ass," I often think of this particular conferencemistress and substitute "Mmm-mmm!" instead.


Ket said...

You are fabulously random.

Scott S. Semester said...

Grandma Semester always said "It's better to be fabulously random than randomly fabulous."

(She was ahead of her time.)

Anonymous said...

Laughing my mmm-mmm off. Yes, you are fabulously random! (Oh I searched back and :( Milo) But regarding pets in general, if you look on you can see my poodle shaved cat. Big $$ whoops on not taking him ASAP. 5 weeks of antibiotics ain't cheap. ♥ MJ

Sarah said...

Semiregular posts... really? You have let down one of your two loyal followers with your infrequent posts. I blame Twitter. I will check back in about 3 weeks for your next post. ;)

Scott S. Semester said...

We can blame Twitter and also the fact that I'm house- and pet-sitting this week. It's been a busy time, what with the dog having surgery and the mowing of the lawn and all...