Monday, August 03, 2009

The Semester Scale of Subduedness/Funkiness

This weekend I went to northwest Indiana as a friend's date at her family-friend's wedding. (It was at a castle. Which was nice because I had grown accustomed to castle weddings in the Old Country, and it had been a while since I'd been to one here in the US.)


As I was getting dressed for the wedding and reception, I asked for help from the Twitterverse as to which tie I should select: the subdued blue or the funky orange and purple? (The voters did not have the advantage of seeing the ties as pictured, right...unless you're reading this on Facebook, which means "...the ties as pictured, above," for some reason.)

The vote came back 5 to 2 in favor of the blue...although if I'd had a smartphone and had full access to Twitter, I'd have known the vote was actually 5 to 6, in favor of the funky tie. Ah, well.


What interests me about this transaction is this: two people used the construction "It's a wedding, not a [BLANK]" in defense of their vote. Only, their votes were different, and their example events were wildly different.

One said, "Blue. It's a wedding, not a disco." (She has clearly never attended a wedding reception where I was present.)

The other said, "Orange and purple. It's a wedding, not a funeral." (Which, I hadn't really considered "subdued blue tie" to be funeral-wear, but whatever.)

This exchange was especially helpful for me, as it allowed me to refine the Semester Scale, a 1-to-10 system for measuring events in terms of their subduedness/funkiness. Knowing what I now know, I can assign with certainty the following ratings, from lowest (most subdued) to highest (most funky) on the Semester Scale:
1.3 Funeral
7.2 Wedding
10.0 Disco
With these empirical scientific ratings in place, now any event can be categorized on the SSSF (the Semester Scale of Subduedness/Funkiness). Simply compare it to the Funeral, the Wedding, and the Disco, and you will find a spot on the chart. (Nothing is more funky than the Disco.)

I shall start using the SSSF in my tweets and Facebook updates from now on, so you know where my life is on the subdued/funky continuum. ("Meditation and prayer. SSSF = 3.1." "Amsterdam for a weekend jaunt. SSSF = 9.4." "Eight-hour roadtrip with my mother-in-law* and her cockapoo. SSSF = 0.6." Etc.)

* I do not currently have, nor have I ever had, a mother-in-law, let alone one with a cockapoo. But mothers-in-law are inherently funny, as is the word "cockapoo," right?


K.T. said...

Scott, I have missed your writing in entries longer than 140 characters.

Thanks for these posts.

jss said...

You left us hanging.... Which tie did you wear? Did you follow the crowd's advice or did you go out on your own? I would have voted for the orange one, had I been hip enough to have twitter on my cell phone.