Sunday, November 07, 2010

30 Days of Truth: IV

Background on the 30 Days of Truth series here.

Day the Fourth: Something you have to forgive someone else for

Well! This one's easy. (Finally.)

In our last installment, we learned about that one job. It would be easy to think that the person I need to forgive in that episode is the boss, whose behavior bordered on the legally actionable. But I have grown to accept that there's probably something going on -- like, underlying, potentially treatable issues that are beyond his control which cause him to behave the way he does. I just don't think he has the capacity to behave differently, and this has made it easier for me to forgive him.

Alas, he is not the one I still have to forgive. Rather, the person I have yet to forgive from that episode is one of the leaders who purported to be supportive of me and my role but who, it became clear in the post-mortem, was only in it for himself. This is a man whose professional experience should have better prepared him to assist me in navigating the challenges -- a man who, if he had chosen, could have been a strong advocate rather than an opponent. But because of his devotion to the boss and because of his self-appointed hero/savior complex with regard to the church and because of some underlying, potentially treatable issues (which, in his case, I somehow find less forgivable than the boss's underlying, potentially treatable issues*), he chose to pick sides, rather than creating a win-win. He did not choose my "side" (it felt like no one did), and I think that, more than anything, led to the episode ending the way it did.

It's not that I need to forgive him for leading to the end of that job for me; I know that I bear responsibility there. Rather, I need to forgive him for being such an unsupportive, dishonest ass to me and for being a poor leader for his church family.

I think someday, I'll get there. Probably not for a while, though.

*And also which I have no business knowing about, because confidentiality practices should have precluded the person who told me about them from telling me about them...

4 comments:

Scott S. Semester said...

I just re-read this. Except for the footnote, this post, hilariously, could describe any of the four guys who thought they were helping but really weren't. Ah, well, I don't suppose it helps to name names or to give identifying information...

Katie Kermeen Swisher said...

Geez! Sounds like that church needs a ton of help! (and maybe that boss needs to not be boss anymore?) Glad that part of your life us over...

Scott S. Semester said...

A good number of good people would agree with you, Katie...

MJ Schrader said...

Yucky situation. Sad that it would be so at a church of all places.